<![CDATA[ Mike Alan      - Mike Alan's Blog]]>Wed, 19 Jun 2013 09:23:59 -0800Weebly<![CDATA[Witness]]>Sun, 05 May 2013 00:15:18 GMThttp://mikealanshow.com/1/post/2013/05/witness.htmlPicture
Walking to work the other day nearly got creamed by a guy in a truck who decided to run a red.  He's going west and I've got the green to walk south.  I quickly step back as he goes roaring by.  The light is clearly red and since it's green for southbound traffic - they've started moving.
The truck sees this and speeds up trying to get through.  Gets around the first minivan but not the next guy who t-bones him square in the back right panel.  He slides west through the intersection while his back right tire goes flying.  It's then we see he's also got two dogs in the back of the truck.  Dangerous driving and nearly gets a couple of retrievers killed.

Could get into a rant about dogs in the back of trucks.  Nope.  How about lying.  I went up to the guy who wasn't at fault - his truck's front end is bashed in and gave him my info.  The other guy casually walks up and says "was trying to run the yellow".  Nice try fella.  Fortunately me and about 6 other people saw the light was red.

Unwritten rule is never admit anything.  Never admit you were at fault.  Too bad for this guy - he is.  Crazy how nobody took pictures.  By the time I got the camera app loaded - they'd started moving the vehicles out of the way.  

Always look both ways before crossing the street.

As you were

]]><![CDATA[What I Didn't Say:  Unions]]>Thu, 25 Apr 2013 02:30:03 GMThttp://mikealanshow.com/1/post/2013/04/what-i-didnt-say-unions.htmlFirst - AJ Clemente - accused him of being high or drunk for swearing on his newscast.  Turns out the whole show was a room of chaos and AJ had no idea how to pronounce the names on his sheet.  Good to be prepared.  

Second:  Unions.  Ontario Liquor Store employees going on strike.  Nice.  Just as the weather warms up.  Screws up your weekends not too mention restaurants who rely on booze sales to make money.  But do the unions care?  Course not. Government employees care about benefits and maximizing sick days.  Funny how LCBO employees usually call in sick on Fridays. 

Unions. Get rid of them or move to Alberta where union thugs can't dictate when you can buy a bottle of Crown Royal.

My first gig in radio was a union shop.  First thing the shop steward did was lie to me.  Told me I HAD to join the union or I couldn't work at the station.  BS I found out a month later.  Too late - I had already raised my hand and threw up in my mouth.

A few months later found out I couldn't get a raise because the midday guy had already been given one.  Makes no sense?  It will.  Midday guy gets promoted to operations manager with a 10-thousand annual raise in pay. Operations in a small market meant he had to help out with maintenance.  Turns out he's afraid of heights and can't stand on a ladder to change a lightbulb.  In fact he couldn't do anything remotely operational.  So he's relieved of his position BUT the union says he gets to keep his increase in salary.  So the rest of us are screwed for raises for a while. 

And to top it off he sold me a broken air conditioner and wouldn't give me my money back.  Once a dick....

As you were
]]><![CDATA[What I Didn't Say:  Dropping the F-Bomb.  ]]>Wed, 24 Apr 2013 02:44:58 GMThttp://mikealanshow.com/1/post/2013/04/what-i-didnt-say-dropping-the-f-bomb.html
On the show today - talked about the North Dakota news anchor who used some colourful language.  Here's what I didn't say...

Geez.  Every announcer radio or tv knows to assume the mic is on.  If you're not broadcasting to the masses - the vox pro could be on and you're being recorded.  Assume it's like the cockpit of an airplane where every word you say is on tape. 

Makes you think.  

Makes you think how AJ Clemente - first day on the job at a small tv station in North Dakota drops not one but two swears.  He's at the desk - the big voice announcer guy is introducing him and his co-host.  Yes you're nervous but you train for this for weeks, months, years even.  

So what happened?  I'm guessing he either had a few drinks or took something else to calm down and it backfired.  He's mumbling to himself.   The real kicker here is not his swearing but horrible news reading.  Who ever hired this guy should be shown the door as well.

For those of you who've never been in a radio or tv studio - swearing more common than you might think.  WTF!!  is a common phrase between co-hosts.  But you know when the light goes on - so does the filter.  Cripes.  We've got a swear jar in the studio!  Hard to believe but all the good you've done up till now is forgotten with one little F*&% heard by a nine year old and her mom.

For some reason it's ok to swear on some tv shows but tv news or radio at anytime is stuck in this politically correct time warp where we believe nobody says anything off colour. And people actually say they're offended.

I ask you this - who's going to swear first and not get bleeped.  Letterman or Leno?  My money is on Craig Ferguson.

As you were


]]><![CDATA[Too Many Apps]]>Tue, 26 Mar 2013 17:50:56 GMThttp://mikealanshow.com/1/post/2013/03/too-many-apps.htmlPicture
Updated the Bible app this morning.  Yes I have the Bible app - needed to look up John 3:16.  

That's not the point.  The Bible app - along with Kindle - three camera apps - two texas holdem and curling mean I'm constantly updating apps.  Can't imagine how many minutes, hours I waste clicking the update button - something goes wrong and whatever I was planning on doing goes by the wayside.

It's time to purge.  By the end of the long weekend I vow to have reduced my app load by at least 40%.  Why do I need 9 sports apps to see if the Bruins won.  Ridiculous.

As for the Bible app - keeping it.  It's Easter weekend after all.  Whether you believe or not, why take a chance?

As you were   


]]><![CDATA[Apple is Forcing Me to Upgrade my Phone]]>Fri, 01 Mar 2013 04:47:56 GMThttp://mikealanshow.com/1/post/2013/02/apple-is-forcing-me-to-upgrade-my-phone.htmlTen seconds to open Twitter.  Why bother I say.  I'll tweet when I get to work and hope I remember what I was going to say.  

Got the iPhone 4 back when it was brand new and everything worked great.  It still is a great phone and for texting - fantastic.  

However - if I want to listen to internet radio - send a tweet or take a quick picture - my life stops for 10-20 seconds while I wait for the app to open.  Never used to be this way - but upgrade after upgrade has slowed down my phone so much I want to throw it across the room.  

But I digress.  A guy on unicycle rode by me on the sidewalk the other day.  Thought no one would believe me so I pulled out the camera .... by the time the app opened up he's 100 feet away.  Have a look - you might be able to see him by the stop light.  Maybe I'll see him again after I upgrade.

As you were
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]]><![CDATA[C'mon Advil - Don't Inflate the Vest on the Plane]]>Mon, 07 Jan 2013 19:34:27 GMThttp://mikealanshow.com/1/post/2013/01/cmon-advil-dont-inflate-the-vest-on-the-plane.htmlNew Advil Cold and Flu spot on tv shows a flight attendant simulating a stuffy nose by inflating her life vest.  Don't know about you - but the number one thing you don't do on the plane is inflate your life vest.

Flight attendants show you how to do it - but actually doing it is completely crazy.  In the event of a water landing people watching this will think they can inflate the vest before leaving the plane.    

Many have drowned because they inflated the vest and couldn't swim underwater.  It happened to some passengers of  Ethiopia Flight 961 that was hijacked and had to ditch.

Come on Advil. 

As you were,

Mike Alan
]]><![CDATA[Christmas Gifts for Guys.  It's not rocket science.]]>Tue, 18 Dec 2012 04:49:08 GMThttp://mikealanshow.com/1/post/2012/12/christmas-gifts-for-guys-its-not-rocket-science.htmlHere's what guys want

Tools - cordless drills - can never have enough.  Make sure you get the kind that uses the same batteries as the tools we already have.

Nerf guns.  They are fun at home and at the office.  Nuff said.

Booze.  Nothing wrong with a bottle of Johnny Walker or Crown Royal.  Beer is not a great Christmas gift.  It's something you drink while opening Christmas gifts.  And we don't need the fancy packages that include a flask or to glasses that are so thin they'll break if you breathe on them too hard.

Peace and quiet.  So some headphones might come in handy.

What guys don't want
Robes - the old one works just fine
Wallets - the one you gave us last year is no good already?
Shower gel - maybe in the stocking but not as a gift.

As you were.

]]><![CDATA[Remembrance Day - "Thanks for using self-checkout"]]>Tue, 13 Nov 2012 18:01:28 GMThttp://mikealanshow.com/1/post/2012/11/remembrance-day-thanks-for-using-self-checkout.htmlUnbelievable what happened at the grocery store on Sunday.  Firstly - need to thank those shoppers and cashiers who stopped what they were doing for a moment of silence at 11 am Sunday.  Also stopped to listen to a reading of In Flanders Fields over the PA.  Nice.  It's what you would expect.

What you don't expect is while 99 percent of the store are paying their respects - a few idiots continue to do their scanning at the self checkout???  And one is a senior.

Right in the middle of the poem all you hear is "Thanks for using self-checkout."

Worst show of disrespect I've possibly ever seen.

As you were.]]><![CDATA[The Answering Machine]]>Sat, 30 Jun 2012 15:50:00 GMThttp://mikealanshow.com/1/post/2012/06/the-answering-maching.htmlWatching a movie from the 60's and Colin Firth who's grieving over the loss of a friend just lets the phone ring and ring.  Thought to myself - when's the answering machine going to kick in...   Maybe it hasn't been invented yet - or has and not yet on the market.  

Made me think.  I could invent the answering machine - knowing what I know now.  Inventions from the 50's and 60's must have seemed like miracles back then but today - not so much.  That's how I look at the iPad and iPhone now.  No way I could make one but 20 years from now - child's play.  

Education does work - if you let it.

As you were

Mike Alan ]]><![CDATA[Damn Right Labatt's Should Sue.]]>Sat, 09 Jun 2012 16:31:56 GMThttp://mikealanshow.com/1/post/2012/06/damn-right-labatts-should-sue.htmlI was told by one of my program directors a few years back - don't say anything negative about McDonalds or they'll pull their advertising.  Not just from this station - all the stations in the company.  Might be true - might not. 

Regardless - the Montreal Gazette editors obviously saw the bottle of Blue in the picture of the  alleged killer Luka Magnotta when they decided to run it.  Of all the pictures they could have chosen - they went with this one.  Good luck getting Labatt's to advertise in your canada.com conglomerate.  
Newspapers are on the decline and giving a big FU to a major potential advertiser is dumb.

As for Labatt's suing - damn straight.  Obviously many are piling on and using this as a way to bash Labatt's - but negative publicity aside - they got their point across.  Labatt's will lose the lawsuit but the first thing I saw in the picture was that Magnotta prick drinking a bottle of Blue.  

Wonder what paper Magnotta will choose to read when he's behind bars.

As you were
Mike Alan
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